Reflections on Power, Identity, and Desire
There’s something many people feel long before they have words for it. Their connection to Femdom runs deeper than a kink, deeper than a role, and certainly deeper than a scene. For some, it’s not a game they learned to play, but a truth they have always known. This is where Femdomsexuality emerges.
The first chapter of my essay Femdomsexual introduces the idea that some of us don’t just enjoy Femdom, but actually move through the life with a fundamental orientation toward it. This orientation isn’t defined by what we like in bed, but rather by how we relate to power, intimacy, dynamics, and identity. Our orientation towards Femdomsexuality is not about performance. It’s about being, truly being.
Often, people coming into the BDSM world are handed a series of roles to choose from — Dominant, submissive, Switch — as if this taxonomy is enough to explain the complexity of who we are. Then there are the activity-based labels: sadist, masochist, rope bunny, brat, disciplinarian. These are useful for describing what we do, but they fall short when trying to express who we are beneath it all. For some, “submissive” is a preference. For others, it is the only way they truly feel themselves. For some women, dominance isn’t a role they step into, it is actually the shape of their desire, with or without the latex.
This idea — that the draw to female-led power is intrinsic, not adopted — is what the book’s first chapter unpacks. Femdom, in this light, isn’t just a style of play, but a structure through which desire, connection, and identity are understood. It isn’t simply erotic, it’s elemental. The core of a person’s sexuality.
What makes this subject so compelling is that it challenges the notion that Femdom must always be attached to overt D/s scenes or to pornographic performance. It proposes that for some, the relationship to power and submission is emotional, intellectual, even existential, not just physical. That doesn’t mean it’s devoid of sexuality. But it does mean that sex may not be the driving force. Sometimes it’s a side effect. Sometimes it’s absent altogether. Either way, what’s being explored is something deeper and more durable.
For those who resonate with this, the essay offers a kind of quiet recognition. Not in the form of answers, but in the form of better questions. What if you’re not just into being submissive to women, but fundamentally oriented toward female authority? What if that’s not a preference, but a foundational part of who you are?
There’s no checklist to follow and no badge to wear for identifying or sexually orienting to Femdomsexuality, but if reading this stirs something in you — a memory, a need, or a knowing — then it might be worth continuing to explore. Sometimes, naming the truth is all it takes for it to begin making sense.