Usually with extramarital liaisons, I prefer not to get involved with the wife as it can create a typhoon of jealousy and disaster. However, sometimes it can’t be helped. Sometimes the wife needs to connect with me.
There are many different types of open relationships among couples, but the two that stand out are the ones where the wife wants to control the affairs of their husband and the one where the Mistress is meant to be the ‘savour’ of the relationship. Here I am talking about the latter (but don’t worry, I will address the former in many future articles to satisfy your curiosity, and perhaps horrify you, but to clearly present the minefield of dealing with couples in open relationships).
I am well aware when I’m being used to ‘save’ a marriage. I don’t mind being ‘used’ just as long as the benefits of my involvement outweighs the pains of it. Sometimes I come across a couple who seem perfectly matched and in love, they have a social rhythm and a dynamic that is endearing and almost worthy of jealousy. I used to be surprised when they, especially the wife, was positive about me having sexual liaisons with her husband. But, I realised that most often this ‘openness’ to me was part of a last resort to a failing marriage.
Now I’m more savvy to the signs of a failing marriage, yet still, I don’t mind coming on board as the lover or Mistress because as I said above, there can be benefits in it for me. But, I also know that I help the couple see the state of their relationship and to realise that continually denying their breakdown is only delaying the inevitable.
More often than not, I meet and become friends with the wife first. I’m not one to hide my lifestyle and so she becomes aware of who I am, often fascinated, from the very beginning. Then she discloses her little adventures, and her husband’s, which leads to an offering of me having a private sexual encounter with him. The offer is usually because I walk on the wilder side of sex, which matches a lot of the things the husband is into, yet not the wife. In her mind, she is using me to scratch her husband’s deviant itches… so she doesn’t have to do it itself, or feel guilty for not being able to fulfil him in this area. I am, of course, happy to oblige, but only if the liaison is on my terms, and the wife will not dictate what I can and cannot do with her husband. This is in line with my values as a Mistress and Absolute Domme.
Wives in this situation are generally happy to my terms; they often feel relieved that someone else is taking an invested interest in ‘satisfying’ their husband. However, because the wife has got to know me first, they do not fear that I will try to ‘steal’ her husband away. (They know I can get ‘better’.)
So, taking on this offer, the husband must have qualities or skills that I look for in a man so I get what I want out of our experience. It is usual for the husband to have had a secret personal sex life for many years where he has trained himself in pain, sissyfication pegging or other non-normative practice. It means they are often quite advances and skilled, they just haven’t practiced with a partner yet. And this is why I accept – I like a man who invests in his own sexuality.
I often have one or two casual sexual sessions with the husband. Then we – the wife, husband and myself – have a little break to see what happens to their relationship dynamics. Sometimes one or the other partner realises they don’t want an open relationship anymore because the social conditioning of ‘cheating is bad’ torments them. Sometimes the couple decide that the husband can still have liaisons, but with a ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ clause. And, very rarely, the wife wants to come in on the action to get more experience and ‘learn’ from me. I prefer the latter. Whatever you may think of promiscuous women, I do have a conscience, and I would much rather be a support to a couple to help them reconnect with each other than to be destructive to their relationship (even when I have a crush on the husband). Mistresses who choose to live the Mistress lifestyle are very savvy with love and relationships. They may fall in love over and over again with the people their have liaisons and affairs with, but they are smart enough to know when to act on that love and when not to. 99 times out of 100 it is best not to.
However, sometimes a couple remains blind to their failing marriage and I have to point it out to them. I step back and tell them that they need to sort themselves out (perhaps seeing a profession, if they aren’t already) before I will consider continuing with our situation. I essentially know they are doomed, but sometimes it is not smart to be the last straw.
In the end, I’ve had a few husbands coming to me thinking I will take them in when they have chosen to leave their marriage. I advise them that they can’t hide from the healing process by being with me, and they need to take time for themselves to become healthy and stable before we should consider continuing our liaisons. As it turns out, most move on without contacting me again, but some want to reconnect, if anything just to see how things are going and to tell me that everything worked out for them (sometimes that they are already in another relationship that caters more to their needs.)
Even though I know that such entanglements with couples often lead down the road to their demise (by their own doing), I enjoy the insight I gain from the experience of being involved. Love, relationships and how we navigate them fascinate me, and rather than reading science or statistics, which give a perverted view of what is actually happening, I prefer an experienced-based understanding obtained through living.
