The Mistress Code

1. Self Consent

Only be a Mistress through self consent – choose it for yourself. Don’t fall into it, don’t accept it as a better-than-nothing option, and don’t just give in to it. Make a consious choice to be a Mistress so you can own it and be empowered by it.

2. Don’t Break Agreements

At the very beginning of your arrangement, be clear upfront on what you want, set your limits and boundaries, and have an endgame. Both lovers must agree to the conditions and the consequences. Stick to all agreements so if things get messy, you won’t need to second guess yourself, and you can stay in control and keep your dignity.

3. Never Fall In Love

This is the age-old rule of all Mistresses: Never fall in love. If you want an affair because you are love-deprived, you are just asking for misery and disaster. However, this rule only applies if you can’t control yourself: becoming lovesick, getting jealous or breaking agreements. If you are strong, resiliant and self-confident enough to fall in love without wanting more, then by all means, fall in love over and over again. That’s what affairs are for.

4. Always Have Other Plans

Your time and attention is valuable, so is your intimacy and sex. Your lover is plan B – just a “boy on the side” – and make him know it. This ensures that he will take the opportunities you give him and you will never be left waiting for him or be dependant on him to have plans. Make it known that your lover is an extra in your life, and you are the star.

5. Keep Your Privacy

Keep a distance from all lovers. Never share your information, always use pseudonyms, never connect on social media, never give work details, and never give access to bank accounts, credit cards, emails, phone numbers or Netflix accounts, etc. It is best to use hotels, as personal locations are risky. As such, never share payments on hotels, car hires, events or restaurants. Any personal information shared can connect you to your lover and can be used to find out more personal details and the identity of you.

6. Never Pee In Your Own Pool

Live by Murphy’s Law. There is always a chance that you will bump into someone if you are in public with your lover. And as such, there is always a chance that someone will announce your whereabouts to your other-halves, accidentally or on purpose. It is best to meet your lover in different countries or cities. If you must meet in the same city, meet on the opposite side of town. Choose locations that are not your usual hubs which don’t require interaction with others or bring attention to yourselves.

7. Don’t Get Involved In His Life

Your lover’s life can seep into yours just by sheer coincincdece. You want to avoid this as it can make an affair become too mundane, too much like social work, too risky or even sour quickly. You can know about it and talk about it, but don’t get stuck in the middle of your lover’s life. Have a buffer to create a distance or set a rule not to discuss problems about partners, marriages or family. Never accept or offer to do anything for your lover outside your liaisons.

8. Be Ok That You Will Never Come First

Except for in the bedroom!!
Affairs are never intended to be something more important than everything else in your life. A Mistress and her lover by default have a secondary relationship – a little extra spice to make you smirk throughout your day. Everything else in your life always comes first and the affair second, which is the same for your lover. His wife and family, no matter problems, estrangement, or feelings for you, will always come first for him. So, put you and your life first.

9. Always Have Others On The Side

The irony of being monogamous in an affair. Your lover likely has others on the side (that he won’t tell you about) so don’t get left out in the cold when the affair wanes or sours. Have others to warm your bed whenever you need. Affairs can end abruptly and it’s always nice to have a second or third to comfort you. This also keeps you ‘in demand’ in the eyes of your lover, which will encourage him to put in extra effort to keep you as he knows he can be easily replaced.

10. Thou Shalt Not Steal

A Mistress doesn’t steal, she borrows.
Never have the objective to poach your lover from his wife. It a breach of the affair agreement, creates untold headaches, and is quite crude. It is not smart to try to compete with a lover’s wife and family. A Mistress is always better than that; she has chosen the woman she wants to be and doesn’t need to steal a man from anyone because she puts herself and her life first.