Feminisation and Patriarchal Conditioning

I love feminisation—as you can see from my photos—but the practice is very complex for a Femdom like Me.

I adore it when a man enjoys being feminised for My pleasure—when his surrender is an act of devotion to My aesthetic, My amusement, and My authority. But when a man needs feminisation in order to feel submissive, that’s something else entirely. It’s a sign that patriarchal conditioning still governs his psyche, and that turns Me off instantly.

If a man believes, even subconsciously, that submission is an inherently female trait, and that to surrender he must first become “feminine,” then he is not submitting to Me—he is submitting to an idea that patriarchy built. That is not Femdom. It is the recycling of a hierarchy that keeps both sexes trapped in their assigned roles.

The trope that men are naturally dominant and women are naturally submissive was never a fact of nature. Patriarchy constructs male dominance as physical because it equates authority with force and self-protection. It “lowers” female power to psychological and relational domains because those forms of power fall outside patriarchy’s control and cannot be legitimised by violence. Men being dominant and women submissive is a cultural fabrication that was legitimised by early modern psychiatry and pseudo-science. Figures such as Richard von Krafft-Ebing, in Psychopathia Sexualis (1886), catalogued cases of male submission and female dominance as perversions rather than orientations. He assumed that a submissive man must be deviant and that a dominant woman existed only to service his pathology. Never once did it occur to Krafft-Ebing—or to the generations of clinicians who followed—that these could be authentic sexual identities. His socially conditioned lens hardened into “science” and shaped the next century of Western thought, teaching that female passivity was natural and male dominance was normal. Right up into the 1970s and 1980s, these biases still lingered in psychiatry, psychology, and popular culture, embedding the belief that when a man expresses femininity, something must be “wrong” with him.

This legacy is still visible today in the mindset of men who use feminisation to legitimise their submission. They need to feel like a woman to feel submissive, or to feel like a slut—because patriarchal logic tells them only women can be sluts or submissives. That mentality doesn’t just miss the point of Femdom—it offends it. For Me, and for many Dominas I know, going along with it feels like betraying the very essence of who we are—Dominant Women who defy those patriarchal myths.

So if feminisation is your kink because it lets you maintain your male ego—that men are dominant and women are submissive—fine, but own it. Don’t disguise it. A Domina will sense it immediately. If you attempt to hide your patriarchal mindset, what you’re really doing is using the Domina and the feminine as props to sustain your inherited beliefs about male power. That may work in a commercial dungeon, but most lifestyle Dominas I know will not tolerate it.

I see many men in the scene who struggle to find a Domina precisely because of this conditioning (yes, one reason which is never spoken about on why many submissives cannot acquire a Domina is because of their social patriarchal views.) In truth, the only women who often engage such men are professional Dommes—women who, by financial necessity, are willing to work with such a psyche in a man.

If you want to serve an authentic Domina, you must first become pro-Female Dominance—not only in the scene but in your worldview. You must unlearn the reflex that sees power as masculine and submission as feminine. If you still move through life believing that only men can lead outside the bedroom, you are carrying a psychological dissonance that will clash with any genuine Femdom dynamic.

But this can change. Patriarchal conditioning is not destiny, but programming. Through awareness, study, and relational re-education, men can deconstruct the internal scripts that limit them. A submissive who learns to see Female Authority as natural, not exceptional—who recognises that surrender to a Woman’s will is not humiliation but devotion—transforms his mindset from fetish to philosophy.