Today (in between me replying to commenters…haha!) I had a training session with a brand-new submissive.
We first met for coffee two weeks ago. What was supposed to be an hour-long chat turned into five hours without either of us noticing. He’s 26, brand-spanking new to BDSM, and while his inexperience is obvious, two things caught my attention: he’s attractive, yes, but more importantly, he has the right mindset for dynamics. Still, I know he’s not ready to commit to a mature, long-term D/s relationship. He needs to play, explore, and discover his kink identity. But one day, he will make an extraordinary submissive. I almost envy the Domina who will have him, though I’m content with my role in shaping his progression.
For this session, I chose Impact Training. I wanted him to learn safety and consent not as abstractions, but as practices. How to install them, how to use them, and how to protect himself when playing with others. He’s already experimenting with women his own age as a Top, so this knowledge is vital. If he’s going to play, he needs to know how to cover himself — ethically and practically — so he doesn’t stumble into dangerous or messy conflicts.
Because we are new to each other, I keep attraction and eroticism at bay. I am sexually proactive; my desire is usually already switched on. But I told him at our first meeting that I would deliberately hold off erotic intensity, because it can cloud consent. Consent must be lucid, not intoxicated. So I set the tone. Our session would be casual, instructional, and safe.
I always meet new subs on the street first. It lets me read their emotions. Nervousness is natural, but fear is dangerous. It blocks learning and muddies consent. A neutral space – like a street – helps level them. Before entering my building, I ask directly: “Do you feel safe? Do you feel comfortable with me?” Only once they affirm, I bring them upstairs.
We began with water and conversation on the sofa. Thirty minutes of calm, ordinary contact helps settle the mind. Once I sensed he was ready, I shifted the atmosphere into teacher mode. Twenty impact implements were already laid out on the table. One by one, I introduced them. Their history, their purpose, the sensations they create, and the kinds of marks they leave. Many of my implements are made by artisan crafters, purchased at BDSM and Fetish markets where I can talk to the makers about their process. I value tools born of care and craft, not just stock from sex shops. Every implement carries its own spirit, history, and symbolism. A tawse once used by nuns on “disobedient” schoolgirls carries an entirely different emotional weight than a mass-produced paddle. These stories matter to Me. They bind erotic ritual to history, and they intensify devotion.
After theory, practice.
I performed a simple appraisal ceremony: CFNM, ritualised undressing, framed as instruction rather than erotic theatre. Each step collected further layers of consent. I reminded him of the traffic light system, and introduced him to the idea of a consent thresholds where I ask once for permission to touch him, and then presume consent is granted until it is actively withdrawn. Thus, in this, consent is not just taught, but enacted. “May I touch you?” I asked.
It is a deceptively simple moment. Most men never experience a woman asking permission to touch them. For them, sex is expected to be automatic. If she wants you, she takes you. But the act of asking carries a lot of emotional weight: respect, safety, integrity, and paradoxically, erotic charge. I kept my tone dry, almost clinical, so that his answer came from lucidity, not arousal. Yet the moment was still profound. When I finally placed my hands on his skin, it became a ceremonial gesture — one I knew he would remember for years. This is how you dominate a man’s mind, by ensuring your first touch is packed with meaning.
We moved into body familiarisation… me exploring his physique, him learning how I touch and observe. We discussed safety of his body – I wanted to know everything about him. I touch everywhere as sometimes they forget about past injuries I will need to be aware of—touches helps remind them. Even though I try to frame such innocently, the fantasy come to life of an older woman commanding a younger man to strip and to be appraised, can be erotically intoxicating. At this point, I took a hold of his cock and balls to test his pain threshold gently, teaching him the pain threshold scale and how to use it responsively.
On the mat, I taught him the Nadu position and safety points for impact. I marked his physical boundaries—bones, joints, muscles and fat—for myself and for him. I showed him rest positions for his all-fours stance so he can protect his back, knees and wrists. Then, methodically, we went through each implement, placing it on his skin first, letting him feel its weight, then striking his ass to feel its impact. I narrated his marks — the heat, the patterns, the colour evolving — and took photos so he could see what I saw. Each strike was measured, not to push limits, but to educate. In total, around forty impacts: canes, paddles, floggers, tawses, crops, and whips. A full initiation.
Back in Nadu, we debriefed. I stroked his cock lightly, observing his eyes darken into pools I’d want to sink into, and I explained the philosophy of Objectification. I told him: “I objectify you. I will teach you to disconnect your self-value from your body in these moments, so that I can play without damaging your worth. Your humanity is always respected and valued, but sometimes, to go into the taboo, we must place it in a protective box.”
He understood, and he liked it. He is intellectual, and the idea of perverting the human condition — of consenting to taboo — thrilled him. This is edge play, where ethics, psychology, and eroticism twist into new forms. But I reminded him that edge play requires preparation, trust, and awareness. Without those, it is exploitation, not domination and devotion.
I also acknowledged my own arousal. At moments, I wanted to kiss his marks, to taste the heat in his body. But I restrained myself. Erotic charge cannot lead training, not at this stage. To blend instruction with sexual escalation would be irresponsible. Care means pacing him, showing him the road ahead, but not pushing him down it faster than he can walk.
At the end, I watched him redress. I study everything—balance, awkwardness, calmness, and nerves. I tell him why I watch, what I am looking for, and how I might use those observations later in tasks or punishments. This transparency builds trust. He knows my gaze is not arbitrary, but purposeful.
We parted ways with a kiss on the cheek. No sex. No orgasm. Just the richness of ceremony, instruction, and innocent eroticism.
Sublime.
Why This Training Was Absolute Femdom
In Absolute Femdom, the dynamic is authored by the Domina. I did not sit down with this boy and co-author a checklist of activities with him. There was no bargaining, no exchange of kinks. That would have been a Relative structure, where both parties bring their wants to the table as if they were equal chips in a negotiation. But that is not what happened here.
Instead, I authored the session from beginning to end. I set the purpose (impact training). I set the frame (educational, not sexual). I set the pace (casual conversation, appraisal, then instruction). He did not negotiate that into being. I did.
Yet at every stage, I collected consent. Consent does not vanish in Absolute Femdom, it is simply not structured as barter.
- Street meet check-in: I asked if he felt safe and comfortable before he entered my space.
- Sofa talk: I explained what was to come, and watched his emotional state to ensure he was steady enough to proceed.
- Traffic light system: I installed safe-words as a shared language of boundaries.
- Appraisal ceremony: I asked for consent to undress him, explaining its meaning.
- Threshold consent: I asked permission to touch him, and explained that from then on, I would assume consent until he withdrew it.
- Body safety instruction: I showed him exactly where impact is safe and where it is not, then checked his understanding.
- Pain scale: I asked for pain numbers at every strike and infliction of pain, adjusting my actions based on his feedback.
Each of these was a form of permission, embedded inside a Domina-authored frame.
Absolute Femdom’s foundation is consent-based.
Why You Cannot Negotiate with Beginners
Pushback often comes from those who confuse negotiation with safety. They ask: “Why didn’t you negotiate the session in advance?” But beginners cannot negotiate what they do not yet know.
How could this boy possibly list his limits on tawses, canes, or floggers when he had never felt them before? How could he anticipate his reaction to objectification if he had never been asked permission to be touched in his life? Beginners cannot name boundaries around experiences they haven’t had. To demand “full negotiation” from a novice is a false ethic. It gives the illusion of safety, but in practice it sets them up for harm, because they will consent blindly to things they cannot yet imagine.
This is why mentoring is important. My role was to teach him what he does not know, and to show him how to consent in practice. Instead of overwhelming him with a lecture or demanding an impossible checklist, I built consent step by step, teaching by doing. He learned safe-words, threshold consent, pain scales, body awareness — not through abstract talk, but by living them in the moment. That is not exploitation. That is pedagogy.
Ethical Practices Embedded
At every turn, I held to ethical principles that are foundational to Absolute Femdom:
- Transparency: I explained my motives, my gaze, and my observations. He always knew why I was doing what I was doing.
- Bounded eroticism: I acknowledged my arousal, but I did not cross into sexual escalation. To blur training and sex would have compromised his learning and consent.
- Pacing: I managed intensity so he did not walk faster than his capacity. I showed him the road ahead, but I did not push him down it.
- Risk awareness: I explained anatomy, impact zones, and safe resting positions. I demonstrated how I shift according to his pain numbers. These are not indulgences — they are risk-management strategies.
- Value protection: By teaching objectification as a skill, I framed how to disconnect self-worth from body during play. This creates safety for taboo exploration.
In Absolute Femdom, Domina authorship governs the structure, but this does not mean the sub’s safety is ignored. It means safety is taught and managed through the Domina’s structure, not co-authored on equal terms.
This boy did not “negotiate” his way into an impact training. He trusted Me to lead him into something he had never experienced, and I built his capacity for consent as we went. That is what makes this Absolute Femdom. The authority was Mine, grounded in My ethics.